A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son saying, 'All of You b*****ds who want off, get off now, 'cos we're in a hurry! And all of you b*****ds who are getting on, get on now, 'cos we're going down the tracks'.
The horrified mother went in and told her son, 'We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS.
When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.'
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say,
'All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you.
We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one.'
She hears the little boy continue,
'For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train.
We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.'
As the mother began to smile, the child added..........
'For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat controller in the kitchen.
This is not so funny as an OH SNAP! moment
It is apparently a true story ....
Johannesburg, South Africa & London ..
A white woman, about 50 years old, was seated next to a
black man.
Very disturbed by this, she called the air hostess. 'You
obviously do not see it then?' she asked. 'You placed me next to a
black man.
I did not agree to sit next to someone from such a repugnant
group. Give me an alternative seat.'
'Be calm please,' the hostess replied.
'Almost all the places on this flight are taken. I will go to
see if another place is available.'
The hostess went away and then came back a few minutes later.
'Madam,just as I thought, there are no other available seats in Economy
Class.
I spoke to the captain and he informed me that there is also
no seat in Business Class. All the same, we still have one place in
First Class..'
Before the woman could say anything, the hostess continued.
'It is not usual for our company to permit someone from Economy
Class to sit in First Class. However, given the circumstances, the
captain feels that it would be scandalous to make someone sit next to someone so disgusting.'
She turned to the black guy, and said, 'Therefore, Sir, if
you would like to, please collect your hand luggage, a seat awaits
you in First Class.'
At that moment, the other passengers, who'd been shocked by
what they had just witnessed, stood up and applauded.