|
Post by Giselle on Oct 20, 2008 6:06:39 GMT -5
An elderly man in Queensland had owned a large property for several years. He had a dam in one of the lower paddocks where he had planted mango and avocado trees. The dam had been fixed up for swimming when it was built and he also had some picnic tables placed there in the shade of the fruit trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the dam to look it over, as he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a ten litre bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the dam, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his dam. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!' The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the dam naked. 'Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the crocodile’. Moral: Old men may walk slow, but they can still think fast.
|
|
|
Post by Giselle on Oct 20, 2008 6:09:21 GMT -5
Investment Advice
If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.
With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1000.00. With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.
If you had purchased $1000 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer/wine one year ago, drank all the beer/wine, then turned in the cans/bottles for the recycling REFUND in S.A, you would have had $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to Drink heavily and recycle.
Let people you care about know... and tell them to Start Now!!!
|
|
|
Post by chris88 on Oct 20, 2008 10:23:06 GMT -5
HAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
|
|
|
Post by Giselle on Oct 21, 2008 5:11:25 GMT -5
I thought you would like the last one
|
|
|
Post by seacow on Oct 23, 2008 5:59:03 GMT -5
classic investment
|
|
|
Post by kate on Oct 26, 2008 21:30:31 GMT -5
hehehe they were great Giselle!!! I've seen this one before but can't remember if it was here or not:
|
|
|
Post by Giselle on Oct 26, 2008 21:44:49 GMT -5
Hahahaha That is brilliant and oh so true
|
|
|
Post by seacow on Oct 28, 2008 14:14:02 GMT -5
it so wrong actually....
|
|
|
Post by Giselle on Oct 28, 2008 17:32:11 GMT -5
If I could I would post a picture of the naked HSM girl and prove you sooooo wrong
|
|
|
Post by kate on Oct 28, 2008 18:28:09 GMT -5
it's not wrong, Simon.... you'll soon find out!
|
|
|
Post by amya000 on Nov 6, 2008 18:08:13 GMT -5
hahahahahaha..i enjoyed that one!
|
|
|
Post by chris88 on Nov 12, 2008 9:33:08 GMT -5
Broken English - Lost in Translation Swedish driver to a cop: Excuse me, what is the fart limit? Bag to be used in case of sicknes or to gather remains Sick bag on a Spanish plane Help saving apparata in emergings behold many whistles! Associate the stringing apparata about the bosoms and meet behind. Flee then to the indifferent lifesavering shippen obediencing the instructs of the vessel chef. Notice on a Russian ship KINKI NIPPON TOURIST COMPANY Japan's second largest tourist company..they changed their name eventually DAI YOUNG TRAVEL South Korean newspaper ad. All divers must land in water! Warning sign on a divingboard. Foreign guests are requested not to pull cock in tub. Sign on a Japanese bath. Please to evacuate in hall especially which is accompanied with rude noises. Turkish hotel Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar. Cocktailbar in Norway Pepsi brings you ancestors back from the grave. Chinese translation of the Pepsi slogan; “Come alive with the Pepsi Generation”. Warning: DO not drive whilst using this product. Condoms. I tried to screw the ball in the goal. Norwegian football(soccer) player to American TV. Screw down your expexctations. We wanted to play with long balls. Danish football(soccer) player on a pressconference. What's funny is that if you know any of these languages, those translations make perfect sense
|
|
|
Post by Giselle on Nov 14, 2008 4:54:10 GMT -5
2008's First Christmas Joke
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
The man replied, 'These are Carol s.'
And So The Christmas Season Begins......
|
|
|
Post by Giselle on Nov 15, 2008 23:28:12 GMT -5
Sick Leave I urgently needed a few days off work, But, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "Crazy" Then They would tell me to take a few days off. So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling & made funny noises. My co-worker (who's blonde)! ask me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, So, that the Boss might think I was "Crazy" & give me a few days off. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What are you doing?" I said I was a light bulb. "You are clearly stressed out." Go home & recuperate for a couple of days." I jumped down & walked out of the office..... When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, The Boss asked her "...And where do you think you're going?!" She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the Dark!!!
|
|
|
Post by sharie on Nov 20, 2008 20:58:24 GMT -5
|
|